The Bostonian Abroad

I recently discovered my father's brothers and sisters, and this discovery has brought into sharp relief the difficult fact that of my split Catholic/Protestant heritage. My Dad grew up the son of a Catholic woman, but he hated the Catholic Church. He married my mother, who was a Catholic, and I was baptized a Catholic as a baby. I grew up as a Jehovah's Witness, but I have always identified with the Catholic Irish cause for self-governance. Ironic, since JW is a form of Protestantism. Now I find out that my biological grandfather was English, very Protestant, and went on to marry a Protestant lady in Londonderry, Northern Ireland. So let us recap: I grew up JW/Protestant, though I was baptised Catholic, and I am an Agnostic, but I am in favor of a free Ireland and ambivalent about Northern Ireland. My Mom was a Catholic, her dad was one, and her mom was one. As a matter of fact, my Grandfather came from a background of French Heugenots! Anyway, my Dad's mom was a cat...

Now begins the true middle age, the time period when I thicken and huff and puff climbing stairs and feel the creep of time on my very bones, the time when I rail against the loss of virility, and the time when I come to accept my own inevitable exit from existence. And so I seek to find my comfort, my purpose, and my motivation in this new period where the old attitudes no longer fit, kind of like my clothes. Shall I proceed to purchase a fast car or find a fetus girlfriend to "prove" my continued relevance in a youthful frame of mind, a kind of existential masturbation beneath people of my age but all too often fallen into. Time was when I thought of my job as not self-defining; I'd be aghast at the mere thought of my going corporate, middle class, GENERIC. I wanted to be the unique one, the one who bucked all trends and led the world to new heights -- a legend in my own time, a Hemingway wrapped in a Roosevelt, wrapped in a Ghandi. Ahhh, the dreams of youth. . . ...

I learned a few things owning a 2005 Road King. Here is a list of those things that I have learned in no particular order and with a great deal of divergence along the way because I just don't care to be all organized and shit. First and foremost, I learned not to have two separate brands of tires on my bike. That was a bad idea. Everyone says it is fine, but I think not. Right after I bought that Metzler, I crashed. I will not make that mistake again if I can help it! The tires were not very scuffed in. They were cold from sitting a long time outside as I taught inside. The lot was unfamiliar to me and I didn't think of the sand and gravel on the pavement. It was dark. I leaned too aggressively and Blammo! Broken leg, broken life. Another thing I learned is that I don't like being uncomfortable. I used to not mind it so much. It made me tougher, I thought. Pussies want comfort. Well then call me a pussy. I want comfort. My old back rest was not very restful. It had a h...

Sometimes I rummage through the past. I pick out the old pieces and think about what hasn't been in . . . Who I was. Who I became. Who I have become. What I lost. And I realize I rode for more than the reason I had placed before me. And I went down. From my hubris. My abdication. Some things that I have felt. That I have been Never could change. And the road that came after was always harder than I imagined it could be. So now "the springtime of my life's time" has turned the other way. And then some. And I have gone on and lost and lost and gained as well. And I see my journey was more a drifting towards an uncertain future. Pleasure, pain, anger, and the lot, I have endured, carried, and laid down. Because I simply decided to let it go. But ever so less often, things come back to haunt me, in that old familiar way. And I realize My old addiction is still here. Here to stay.

The Duck Dynasty guy who said being gay was a sin and that it was on a par with beastiality was allowed back on his show. Originally, he was suspended for what he said because it was deemed offensive. People lined up on both sides on this issue, some wanting to protest the man's suspension and other wanting to protest against the man's ever returning to the show. What it comes down to is hate speech. Some see it as this and others do not. The ones who say it is hate speech want to protest and boycott the show and anyone who supports what that dude said. Saying that being gay is bad or sinful or unnatural is hate speech and ignorant in these people's eyes. On the other side, you have the people who say that dude has the right to his opinion, that it isn't hateful to think it wrong to be gay, and they say the Constitution protects the right to free speech. So who is right? I have two opinions about this. On the one hand, they are both right. In this day and age, ...

There was a time when I would relish the opportunity to get out on my motorcycle at this time of the year, December, and ride in the cold to prove myself to myself that I am tough or some such ridiculous thing. For a long time, I thought myself tough, wanted to prove it, and kept myself fit for the purpose of proving myself and being invincible, at least in spirit. Then I turned forty. My father died the next day. I broke my leg real bad two months later. I had a major affair. I got divorced. And for some unknown reason, I just don't really want to be tough anymore. I don't see myself that way, nor do I even see any value in seeing myself that way or being that way. If anything, it is a liability. I was a rageaholic for a long time. I got into situations that could have led to my death. I even got charged with assault! Being tough does not work out for me. It works against me. I think I just ran out of steam. I lost the desire to be tough, even remotely. Besides, how ...