The Bostonian Abroad

Out Back, Star-Gazing Standing out under the stars, I thought how wonderful they all were, how wonderful was the great cathedral of lights made visible by the lack of the same from my own star. It served as a reminder of my place, my tininess in the vastness of space. Then it hit me that in addition to reminding me of what is truly important (as well as unimportant) it also reminded me of a thought I've often taken up while star-gazing. In four billion years, we are the first species on this planet to look up and know what we see, know where we are in it all. We are the first to conceive of it all, to seek it out and appreciate it. This made me think that if god does exist, he/she/it/they must have made the conceivers so they could share in what was made. Maybe god just wants confirmation that it all exists? Maybe god just wanted to give some-thing the opportunity to experience the kind of profound awe only those who comprehend it all can feel? If so,

Sorry for that last one I didn't smoke any pot on Maui, not that it would have been morally repugnant if I had, but I was offered and that openness was refreshing. Living here on O'ahu is ok, but when compared to Maui it is really lacking in beauty. Probably, this is due to all the development - Not that I am a tree-hugger, but I do like to get away from the herds of human cattle scuttling to and fro. Moo.

Another Idea I want to move to Maui. People don't suck in Maui. I was only there two days, but in that time, I lived a life-time with non-suck people. I got offered pot in literally 5 seconds, and that was Paia. I drove up and down the slope of Hale 'akala and fell deeply in love. Coming back to O'ahu was like going back to Lynn. Lynn sucks compared to O'ahu, and O'ahu is Lynn compared to Maui. I really think I'd like to get a job, buy a house, live life and drop dead in Maui. Screw New Hampshire. Too many of us Bostonians live there anyway. I have to infect Maui!

TV Watching TV. Brain empties out, and is filled with dreams of cheeseburgers, firmer abs and sex with the perfect people. We arrange our rooms in such a way as to make that box with the thick glass the center of attention. In the olden times, people faced each other. But isn't it grand! To watch and learn, be horrified, amused, aroused, bored, lulled -fattened. I avoid it, yet when it is in my field of view, I can't deny its power. I love it and fear it. It wastes me, and I know it, yet I return daily. Truth is, life is a responsibility I don't want to deal with sometimes, so on goes the box. Like a cheap bottle of booze, it "coats, soothes - relieves"! And why should I 'make use' of my time? Why do I need to read something important or study, or build something or change the world? Why is life supposed to be filled with activity? Maybe this is blasphemy, but it might be a good idea to just do nothing. Nothing is good, sometimes

Flotsam and Jetsam So I live in Hawaii. There, now I have connected the title of this blog thingy to what I am writing. I am a Bostonian living abroad. I know that HI is not abroad in the political sense, the same way RI would not be, but for me, everything outside of Massachusetts is abroad, or maybe outside of New England. But "the New Englander abroad" sounds too pedantic. I like being from the greater Boston area, even if I was pretty miserable when I was actually living there. Miserable? Yes. That's the Bostonian way! It's fun and necessary to be miserable if you live in Boston. The weather sucks, the tourists suck, the economy sucks, the government sucks - basically everything. But it's oaky. It's Boston. I really miss it sometimes. Anyway, here I am in Hawaii. I love living here too, even though my Bostonian sense leads me to want to throttle the slow-as-molasses-in- January drivers! (How many "locals" could grasp the humor of tha

Palpitations 32 years old is no time to be thinking you are dying of a heart attack - not even in the maybe. Flipping and flopping about like a pissed-off weasle in one of those flimsy plastic pet carriers, tossed to and fro in some wildly turbulence-ridden airliner, my heart declared its defiance of me, and sought to create its own exit. Sitting on the floor wondering if "this is the end", I was surprised by the very domesticity of my "final" thoughts: "How will the wife manage the expenses?" "I never got enough insurance to cover my debts!" I haven't finished BEING yet!!" Turns out it was most likely a reaction to some crappy asthma meds I was on. No longer, I can assure you. But this whole episode got me thinking that I spend entirely too much time doing stupid things. I know these are "necessary" for the kind of modern luxurious lifestyle I lead - of tv and chocolate, of compact car and commute - of pancakes on Wai