Music, Saxophone, Bass Guitar, and My Third Act
Well, since I am forced to work until I retire (hopefully) in 9 years, I will continue to struggle with the fact that I no longer love my job, I do it because I have to, and I would much rather devote myself completely to music and art.
This made me go online and listen to an interview on YT, featuring a guy I had never heard of who says that he never approached music trying to be like someone or even trying to be "good." He said he just heard stuff he liked and started to do similar things on his own. He talked at length about how he got into music and how he's developed over time. It opened my eyes to a couple of things.
First, there is Discord. I need to look into that more. Apparently, I can stream live chats, join others' live chats, and start my own thing. Maybe I can even meet other people on there who are like me. Wouldn't it be cool to be able to jam out with people online whenever the fancy strikes me? Hell yeah! Doing my thing on MY time, whenever I feel like it! Sign me up!!
Next, I am thinking about my own journey into music, including my regrets. I've done this before, but I think there is something I am trying to accomplish by looking inward, and I have yet to get there. I'll try again now.
Music was always an embarrassing thing for me as a kid. I was too self conscious, felt like I sounded and looked stupid singing (at the Kingdom Hall and for school functions). I was already a geek, an outsider, and I avoided giving anyone even more amunition to cast even more aspersions my way.
When I was about 10 years old, I got the chance to learn an instrument, and for some reason, I chose the flute. My mother rented one through some poor-kids school program, and I went to a lesson in the junior high school next to my elementary school.
The lesson was taught by this little, old man. He had to be in his late 70s. He was wearing tweed, was hunched over his desk, and seemed to have mere seconds left to live, presumably to teach me flute. I tried and tried, and he showed me about how to hold your lip to the thing to make it work, but I couldn't get it. I went home and tried some more, but I could never get any decent sounds out of it. Not long after, I was walking to or from school with the flute in its little black case, and some older kids saw me with it. They made fun of me, calling me a pussy, a fag, a geek, etcetera. They even threatened to shove it up my ass! Needless to say, that was the end of my career as a flautist.
For me, music was only ever after something I listened to, without the slightest desire to make any of it myself. That was for naturally gifted people, among whom I did not place myself. I had yet to find anything I had a natural ability to do. I listened to Def Leppard and a lot of hard rock, synth pop, '80s tunes, and some of the oldies my parents liked, but that was about it.
Until the early '90s. Steve Perry came out with a new album, the first music he'd made since 1987, and he was one of my all-time favorites. I listened to that album over and over, and a few times, while driving my stepfather's Volvo, I even sang along to these tunes. It was my first time singing for my own pleasure.
The next thing I recall in terms of music was my time in Fiji. I was there for 2 years, and I'd brought a book of my favorite CDs, along with a small boom box. In my house in Suva, far from anyone's being able to hear me, I sang to my heart's content. My favorite was Journey's "Ask the Lonely." I could hit all those notes, singing towards the speakers with all the power I heard coming back at me. It made me feel elated!
After this, my next memory of making music was in Hawai'i, where I found myself in a karaoke place where you rent the room with a few friends and take turns singing. I was quickly known for my ability to sing Journey, Def Leppard, and Jet songs. Beyond this, I sang for an hour or more each day during my daily commute between Pearl City and Manoa. I sang every song Journey ever made, and I had a great time! In North Carolina, I sang in the car still and at a karaoke event or two, but that was it. Then, in 2009, after a tonsilectomy, my voice started to change, and I was less and less able to sing those notes. By the time I reached age 45, my Steve Perry singalongs were over.
Oh, I forgot one major moment! I sang in front of 1,000 people at an outdoor concert on Hampton Beach in New Hampshire. It was the day my father died, and I had gone to an outdoor concert with my sisters. My oldest sister wanted to go up front and dance in front of the stage, and I agreed, even though I hate dancing. I figured she would love it, and I was kind of playing the surrogate "Dad" role that evening. The singer came down off the stage to hand the mic to kids to sing some of the lyrics to tunes they liked, and I thought that was neat. He went back up and they started to play "Don't Stop Believin'." This is a song I have sung many, many times in the car and at karaoke, and so I started singing as I danced, tilting my head back to sing straight up, at nearly full volume, hoping the PA would mask my singing so that nobody else had to hear me. My sister came up to me and marvelled: "Wow, you're really good!" she said. I pshawwed it away and kept doing my thing. All of a sudden, she's got the lead singer handing me his microphone! I grabbed it and sang the first "Some-where in the NIIIIIIIGHT!" and the crowd went NUTS. 1,000 people cheering and screaming approval--I hoped. I quickly gave back the mic and went to the side to keep dancing. The guy sings a couple more bars, but then he comes back to me and had me sing the rest of the song! I couldn't believe it! What a feeling!!! My other sister was in the audience talking with her husband, and when she heard me sing, she stopped, turned towards the music saying, "Wow, he's good! Who is THAT?" and when she saw me, she exclaimed, "THAT"S MY BRUTHAH!" Oh man, what a night. I could almost feel how happy my Dad would have been to see that moment.
But, like I said, I couldn't sing like I wanted to anymore by the age of 45, so I stopped. Music returned to being a passively enjoyed thing.
Ohhh, how I missed being able to sing those Journey and Steve Perry songs! My spirit would soar with those notes, I'd get chills, and I felt absolutely happy, energized, and eager for more.
No more.
Years went by and the only thing I would listen to--if anything at all--was The Sisters of Mercy. No singing. Just background music. Beyond that, I focussed on motorcycling and motovlogging. Something essential was missing from my life, and it would only bubble up again from the depths of my subconscious later on.
Cut to January of 2020:
I was lying on the sofa, half asleep, watching YouTube videos, and it autoplayed to the next and next and so on, with me being only peripherally aware of what was going on.
A video comes on about performers or musicians who died on stage, and I hear something about a Boston band who had a dark and eery sound, with a guy playing a 2-string bass tuned extra low, a drummer, and a guy playing a baritone saxophone. The narrator said the lead singer died on stage in Italy in July of 1999.
By this time, I'm awake, thinking, "Boston. . . dark and eery sound. . . basss guitar. . . baritone saxophone. . ." I knew I needed to look them up!
I do my little YouTube search and find "Honey White." Within a few seconds, I was into this band. Then, the next song, "I'm free now" played, and I was hooked. Severely hooked! I listened to everything I could find, googled every bit of info I could, read blogs, Wiki, saw a documentary, saw news stories--EVERYTHING! To my great astonishment, I had been living in the area for most of the time they were coming up and getting famous. I knew about The Middle East, the club in Cambridge they played in--But I never heard of them! I have not one recollection.
Back then, I was heavily into The sisters of Mercy, Goth music, and--oddly enough, Thanks to Gravity.
Man, I missed out entirely!!! I could have seen them LIVE! I could have been inspired way back then! But Noooooo, I had to wait until the age of 49 before the universe revealed them to me.
Anyways, I listened to their music endlessly, and I realized almost as soon as I heard that first song that I wanted to make that sound! I wanted to play the baritone saxophone!!! I also foresaw a desire to play the bass guitar, but that would have to take the back seat to the main objective: Learn to play a baritone saxophone!
I found a place, Music and Arts, and I signed up for lessons, once a week, and I rented a Yamaha tenor (they din't have a baritone). I tried that for a while, but I wasn't playing the instrument I WANTED to play. I couldn't play the low-down, rumbly, gravelly jangle of that bari sax. I started to search around for something, and I found it at another Music and Arts: P. Mauriat, Le Bravo, Intermediate baritone saxophone. It was gorgeous, and the sound was amazing! I turned in the tenor rental and got on a payment plan for the bari sax (7 grand!).
I was playing to warm up one time before my lesson, and a little kid came to the window of my practice booth with a stunned look on her face. She had heard me playing and had to interrupt her own lesson to go and find out what was making that tremendous sound! Next thing I know, there are 5 people gawking at me through the glass door of my practice booth!
Later, when I was leaving, I apologized to a couple of them, teachers both, for my slaughtering of geese, and they laughed wildly. they said it sounded amazing and they were eager to hear me play more the next week. I became known as that middle-aged dude who plays the bari.
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