What the Hell Is THIS Crap?!

Let's categorize the latest happenings in 2023:
1. February--?? Anaphylaxis. I have had 12 anaphylactic reactions since Februrary of this year. The first one nearly killed me. The second one was almost as bad. The third one was pretty bad as well. Epi Pen saved my life the second 2 events. The ambulance crew saved me that first time. Reason? What reason to cause this? Was it food? No. Was it medication? No. Was it mold? No. What was it? Nobody knows. I had 11 vials of blood taken out of me to be tested for mutations, cancers, etc., and nothing came back as the cause. I have the lovely idiopathic variety of this condition, meaning that at any given moment, my body can go into anaphylaxis and kill me. I recognize the signs now, so I take a handful of diphenhydramine (Benadryl) and hopefully it stops. If it doesn't, then I resort to my Epi pen and another visit to the E.R.
2. Next up: Weight Loss. After the cardiac doctor looked flummoxed about my heart enzymes after anaphylaxis 1, I realized the look he was making was one of "Why ISN't this 274-pound 52-year-old man showing signs of heart disease or diabetes?" This made me realize that I was in a tail spin and had to do something about it. My Sweet Pea and I got on a special healthy diet and calorie reduction and I have now gone down to 225 pounds. I even started riding a bicycle again for the cardio. Making lemonade from the anaphylactic lemons.
3. The friggin job! This has been a continual headache and injustice since 2016, when I got screwed royally. They actually had the nerve to call it a "Lateral move." Yeah, like laterally ass-raping me while patting me on the back. Well, I finally just said, "Fuck it." I am not fighting anymore. My job is basically to do whatever the hell they tell me to do. "Wanna fire everyone and make me teach all of it? --OK." I don't care anymore. I am just doing what I can until I can retire. Screw trying to defend my teachers, my students, my PROGRAM, from the idiotic and callous decisions of a psycopathic approach to leadership where I work. Nawwwww, I am just going to do what I am told, keep my head down, and hold on for dear life until I can get my full pension. Until then, it's all a grim determination to get through the day.
4. Sweet Pea almost died. Yeah, heart attack. Widow Maker. LAD totally blocked. Doc cleared it and stented it. I am being as supportive as I can be. I am not one to control a person, so all I can do is reflect reality and hope she takes it as seriously as it needs to be taken. If not, then she might not be around long. This thought is unbearable, but such is life now that I must look at these things square in the face. Death IS coming, and it will take more and more until it finally takes me. The best thing I can do is try to make good choices and carve out wee moments of happiness for myself. A bike ride here, a smile at the scale there, maybe a few toots on the saxophone. Life is an ever-present force to be reconed with, and I cannot afford to be passive--except where being active is detrimental. I stick to what I can manage and leave the rest of it the FUCK alone.
5. Biking. This is my newest focus. Getting a decent bike and riding it as much as I feasibly can. This will hopefully aid me in my mission to lose weight and live a healthier life. I've got too many bikes now, as well as too many saxophones. Gotta sell some stuff!
6. Motovlogging. I have been a lousy motovlogger lately. No videos. No desire to make any. No desire to watch any. I don't ride my motorcycle anymore. Hopefully I will ride more soon and even more this fall, but who knows? My passion for it has evaporated. My eyes suck, I feel too fragile, and I've done all of the things I wanted to do on a motorcycle. Maybe it is time to move on from it? We'll see...
7. Age. Here is another thing. I'm 53 now. FIFTY THREE!!!! I was seriously wondering if I would live this long. I'm glad I did, and I'm glad I am not dead yet. Hopefully, I can make a good run at longevity with health! I am superstitious, so I don't want to hope too hard. The older I get, the more I realize that I need to focus on the short-scale timeframe. I cannot look down the longer-term timeframe of the future. That is most murky. I can look at today, this afternoon, this evening, and try to enjoy my present moment more. Cannot bet on the future. Gotta do things NOW. And so that is me.
I'm being NOW. Doing NOW. And I am hopeful.

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