The Family You Choose
Recently I have begun to feel the emptiness that comes from not having any friends. No, I'm not so anti-social that I have no friends at all. I am without friends for a couple of reasons.
First, I live in the middle of palmy nowhere, a place where people move, try to live, then realize what a hole it actually is and escape back to any place that matters. Another reason is that this isolated locale has effectively cut me off from the goings-on of all my friends back home. (Boo-hoo, I'm the one that left, so I shouldn't cry over spilled coconut milk.) Yet another reason is marriage. Yes, it is being married that kills friendships the most. Spousally-banned, friendships end faster than a frat party once the keg's gone dry.
Then there is the maturity thing. Friends that were way-cool back in the day become evil clingers-on as time progresses, and they don't. Getting shit-faced and screaming your undying love for an ex was socially tolerated at 20, maybe even 22 or so, but at 30? It's time for AA, maybe a zoloft too.
Me and my wife have lost more friends this way. It's a shame, really, because when I gave it some thought, I realized that many of my own family might not be the types of people I'd be friends with if I just happened to meet them along the way. Thus, the friends we make as we go through life have to meet higher standards, standards that get higher as we mature. We audition them, check their resumes, Google them, get a good look at their personal habits, guage whether or not they'll call every other day - trying to move a couch into your colon - then, we make our decision to either allow them into the main cast, keep them as walk-ons or banish them to the photo album re-runs.
Life doesn't help much either. Between work, commuting, chores and the like, who has time for friends?!
"I can't go to the nudy bar with the guys this weekend, I've got a door to hang!"
Making new friends at this point is almost impossible.
But what about those old friends we've known since we were kids? They form the foundation of our youth, sharing a connection to our past and, hopefully, going with us into the future. The more friends I don't decide to make for one reason or another, the more friends I lose to immaturity, distance or abandonment of this feckless, sterile rock, the more I come to appreciate the closest friends I already have. They are my true family. They know me better than anyone! Time may pass, miles may grow, life-situations may change, but when we meet, no time has passed. We just slip right back into that old, comfortable, familiar way of being - home.
Recently, I have reconnected with a few of my oldest, closest, dearest friends, and I feel so lucky to still have them. Antisocial though I may be, they still form the center my own personal society, my friends of choice.
First, I live in the middle of palmy nowhere, a place where people move, try to live, then realize what a hole it actually is and escape back to any place that matters. Another reason is that this isolated locale has effectively cut me off from the goings-on of all my friends back home. (Boo-hoo, I'm the one that left, so I shouldn't cry over spilled coconut milk.) Yet another reason is marriage. Yes, it is being married that kills friendships the most. Spousally-banned, friendships end faster than a frat party once the keg's gone dry.
Then there is the maturity thing. Friends that were way-cool back in the day become evil clingers-on as time progresses, and they don't. Getting shit-faced and screaming your undying love for an ex was socially tolerated at 20, maybe even 22 or so, but at 30? It's time for AA, maybe a zoloft too.
Me and my wife have lost more friends this way. It's a shame, really, because when I gave it some thought, I realized that many of my own family might not be the types of people I'd be friends with if I just happened to meet them along the way. Thus, the friends we make as we go through life have to meet higher standards, standards that get higher as we mature. We audition them, check their resumes, Google them, get a good look at their personal habits, guage whether or not they'll call every other day - trying to move a couch into your colon - then, we make our decision to either allow them into the main cast, keep them as walk-ons or banish them to the photo album re-runs.
Life doesn't help much either. Between work, commuting, chores and the like, who has time for friends?!
"I can't go to the nudy bar with the guys this weekend, I've got a door to hang!"
Making new friends at this point is almost impossible.
But what about those old friends we've known since we were kids? They form the foundation of our youth, sharing a connection to our past and, hopefully, going with us into the future. The more friends I don't decide to make for one reason or another, the more friends I lose to immaturity, distance or abandonment of this feckless, sterile rock, the more I come to appreciate the closest friends I already have. They are my true family. They know me better than anyone! Time may pass, miles may grow, life-situations may change, but when we meet, no time has passed. We just slip right back into that old, comfortable, familiar way of being - home.
Recently, I have reconnected with a few of my oldest, closest, dearest friends, and I feel so lucky to still have them. Antisocial though I may be, they still form the center my own personal society, my friends of choice.
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